By Tahir Ibn Manzoor & Khair Un Nisa
Ya Allah, accept my repentance, wash away my sins, answer my supplication, establish my veracity, guide my heart, make my tongue truthful, and remove all ill feeling from my heart. (Aameen Ya Rabal Aalameen)
When we talk about the status of woman in Islam, it should not lead us to think that Islam has no specific guidelines, limitations, responsibilities and obligations for men. What makes one valuable and respectable in the eyes of Allah, the Creator of mankind and the universe, is neither one’s prosperity, position, intelligence, physical strength nor beauty, but only one’s Allah consciousness and awareness (taqwa).
Just look at the Holy verse 1 from the Quran chapter 4.
“O Mankind, keep your duty to your Lord who created you from a single soul and from it created its mate (of same kind) and from them twain has spread a multitude of men and women”.
A scholar who pondered about this verse stated: “It is believed that there is no text, old or new, that deals with the humanity of the woman from all aspects with such amazing brevity, eloquence, depth, and originality as this divine decree.”
Just look at the beauty in those words. Allah is never unjust. He created the woman because He wanted the man to have a partner. He wanted the man to enjoy the beauty of life, the nature that Allah has created.
Allah says: ” He (God) it is who did create you from a single soul and there from did create his mate, that he might dwell with her (in love)” (Quran 7:189) “The Creator of heavens and earth: He has made for you pairs from among yourselves ” Quran 42:11 “And Allah has given you mates of your own nature, and has given you from your mates, children and grandchildren, and has made provision of good things for you. Is it then in vanity that they believe and in the grace of God that they disbelieve? “Quran 16:72
The Prophet (pbuh) said, regarding women:” This life is a joy and its best joy is a good wife.”[Sahih Muslim]
Today under the influence of many other faiths, cultures and misquoted/misinterpreted verses, men like to blame women and disregard them; they love to degrade women calling them the cursed creatures.
Although many had misquoted, woman according to the Qur’an is not blamed for Adam’s (A.S) first mistake. Both were jointly wrong in their disobedience to Allah and both repented, and both were forgiven. Please refer to the verses (Qur’an 2:36, 7:20 – 24).
The Prophet of Allah (pbuh) said,”A women is married for four reasons: for her wealth, for her fame, for her beauty and for her (adherence to) religion. So marry one for her religion and you will win.” [Bukhari & Muslim]
The above Hadith emphasize the importance of marrying a good Muslim woman. This is why Muslim men should always seek such women to be happy in this life.
Following are some of the characteristics of a good wife:Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands) and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their honor, husband’s property, etc). [4:34].
Ibn Katheer said, “Ibn Abbas said, ‘The righteous women are obedient to their husbands (Qanitaat). Also ibn Katheer said, “Imam Suddi said, ‘They (good wives) protect their husbands’ honor and money in their absence.”‘Ibn Hibban narrated that the Prophet (pbuh) said, what translated means, “If a woman prayed the five prayers, fasted in Ramadhan, protected her honor and obeyed her husband; then she will be told (on the Day of Judgment): enter Paradise from any of its (eight) doors.
The Prophet (pbuh) said, “Your women who will enter Paradise are those nice to their husbands, who bear children, and those who keep checking the needs of their husbands. If her husband gets angry with her, she would hold his hand and say: “By Allah, I will not sleep until you forgive me” [as-Silsilah as-Sahiha]
An-Nasa’i narrated that the Prophet (pbuh) was asked, “Who are the best of women?” HE said, “The one who pleases him (her husband) if he looks at her, obeys him if he orders (her) and does not subject her honor or money to what he dislikes.”
From the above Hadiths, we can sum up the characteristics of a good wife:
She is a good Muslim, obedient to Allah and His Messenger. She performs the five regular prayers and fasts Ramadan. She is obedient to her husband, unless he orders her to do evil. She protects her husband’s money and honor in his absence. She is always nice to her husband, checking on his needs. She always tries to please and calm him if he is angry or upset. She bears his children and does not ask him for divorce for no reason. She tries to always look and smell nice for her spouse.
Advice for Muslim Sisters:
Avoid angering your husband. The Prophet (pbuh) mentioned that among the three that Allah does not accept their prayers are, “A wife who goes to sleep while her husband is angry with her.” [At-Tirmithi].
Avoid harming your husband in any way, “If a woman harms (in any way) her husband, then his wife in Paradise tells her: ‘Do not harm him, may Allah fight you, he is only staying temporarily with you. Soon he will come to us.’ [Ahmad & At-Tirmithi].
Avoid being unappreciative or unthankful to your husband, “Allah does not look to the woman who does not appreciate her husband while she cannot stand his departing her.” [An-Nasaii].
Do not ask your husband for divorce for no reason. The Prophet(pbuh) warned women who ask for divorce for no sound reason in his Hadith, “Any woman who asks her husband for divorce for no reason will not smell the fragrance of Paradise. [Sahih Al-Jamii].
Do not obey your husband if he asks you to do prohibited matters, “Do not disobey the Creator to obey any human.”[Ahmad & Al-Hakim].
Avoid voluntary fasting without your husband’s permission, unless he is absent, “A woman does (must) not fast while her husband is present without his permission, except in Ramadhan.” [Al-Bukhari & Muslim]. This Hadith emphasizes the importance of the wife satisfying her husband’s sexual needs. If the husband agrees, then the wife can do volunteer fasting, satisfied that she fulfilled her obligation towards her husband.
It is a major sin to deny your husband sexual pleasure. The Prophet (pbuh) said, what translated means, “If a man calls his wife to bed and she refuses till he slept while angry, then the Angles will curse her till the morning.” [Muslim].
Muslim men have no other means to satisfy them but through their wives. Therefore, the very essence of marriage will be destroyed if men are denied this right by their wives.
It is a major sin for husbands and wives to tell others what they do in bed. The Prophet (pbuh) described the ones who do that as, “A devil who meets a female devil and has intercourse with her in public” [Ahmad].
The Prophet (pbuh) ordered every Muslim woman not to let anyone into their houses, “Unless he (her husband) gives her permission.” [Al-Bukhari].
Muslim women do not have the habit of going in and out of their houses without necessity. Allah said, what translated means, “And stay in your houses” [33:33].
Conclusion:The Prophet (pbuh) said, what translated means “All of my nation (Ummah) will enter Paradise except those who refuse.” When he was asked to identify those who refuse, he said, “Whoever obeys me will enter Paradise, and whoever disobeys me will (be the one who) refuse.” [Al-Bukhari].
A good, righteous Muslim woman seeks the pleasure of Allah more than anything else. She tries her best to acquire the qualities of a good wife, found in the Book of Allah and the Sunnah of His Messenger.
Total obedience to Allah and adherence to the Sunnah of His Messenger, is the most important of those qualities.
Ibn Katheer said, “The man is the woman’s protector, supervisor and head of the family”.
To emphasize this even more, the Prophet (pbuh) said, if a wife does not fulfill her obligations towards her husband, then she will not have fulfilled her obligations towards Allah.” [Ahmad].
Ibn Taimiyah said in AI-Fatawa, “The righteous woman is the one who consistently obeys her husband. Her obligation to her husband comes second only after her obligation to Allah.”
Therefore, every Muslim woman should seek to attain, in herself, the qualities of a good wife, by obeying Allah and His Prophet, a path that will lead to entering paradise. Also, if Muslim wives implement these qualities, then their marriage will be full of happiness.
The best of advice to every Muslim man and woman is to avoid the ways of the Kuffar. The Kuffar do not build their families on religion, but on their desires. In Islam, men and women have different roles. More duties are assigned to men, while woman have more influence in the way their children are raised. A Muslim woman spends much more time with the children than her husband does. If families are not built on the way that Allah ordained, then misery, and later, divorce, will be the result.
Allah will bless such a marriage where both the husband and the wife obey Him and fulfill their obligations towards each other. He said, “It is not for a believer man or woman, when Allah and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allah and His Messenger, he has indeed strayed in a lain error!” [33:36].
Khadeejah(r.a), the wife of the Prophet(pbuh), ranked high among the Muslim women of all time, This was a result of her unwavering support of her best of husbands. She believed in him, offered him emotional and financial support, and reassured him in times of worry. Allah has granted her Paradise for this crucial role she played in the life of the Prophet (pbuh), and hence, in the life of every Muslim. The Prophet (pbuh) treasured her memory and kept relations with her friends long after her death.
Allah has granted her the position of being the mother of all the decedents of the Prophet of Allah.
All Muslim women should benefit from the example of Khadeejah (r.a), that they may reach her status among the righteous women in Paradise.Dear sisters, hope and pray that you had read the piece above and understood its context and your duty and responsibility as a Muslim Woman.
Dear brothers, rather than making this another piece, please share it with every Muslim woman that you know. if you can make a change in one woman’s life today, that will be more rewarding than feeding thousands of people. Allah knows Best <3
Note: This piece was published in Daily Kashmir Images, Newspaper On 14/09/2012, Friday,
Khair Un Nisa is a Student at CRC, SKIMS Medical College & Tahir Ibn Manzoor is a Staffer for THE VOX KASHMIR, studying at the Government Degree College (Boys) Baramulla, Kashmir. Feedback: dashingtahi@hotmail.com Feedback at dashingtahi@hotmail.com Or Visit http://www.tahiribnmanzoor.wordpress.com/
I’ve never heard of the term “Kuffar”. Would you happen to know if there is a Christian comparative?